A Smoldering Fire
by Karaumea
Summary: “I found myself in her smile, only to lose my heart in the depths of her eyes. After all this time, her scent still lingers in my nostrils, my love for her a smoldering fire in my chest.” What would you do, when love is not enough to keep you together?I/K


**Disclaimer:**I do not own Inuyasha or the other characters from the anime/manga. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

**Author's Note:** Let's think of this as a Christmas present. This stupid story would not leave me alone and let me update my other stories… so here it is. This chapter is Inuyasha's diary entry that actually takes place in the middle of the story –like 5 years after the story starts. The real story will start in Chapter 2 which is on the way.

A note to those waiting for my other stories… Heartless and the S-android will be updated in a few days. Don't think that I stopped writing them. The new chapters are close to be finished. He's My Girl will take some time to update, for I have a few alternate plots in my head, and can't decide which one to go with.

Finally, special thanks to horsechick for giving me a little push to update faster. I hope my chocolate sauce is almost ready. Ha!

Merry Christmas!

"Talking"

_Thinking_

**Chapter 1**

_May 21, 2008_

_I need to be reading the progress reports I took with me, but as usual, I found myself thinking about her instead. I was fine when I was in my office, where I spent almost all my waking hours. The crazy traffic in there helps me keep my focus on my work. Now, though, I'm having trouble to find something to distract my thoughts from going where I don't want them to. I don't remember how much longer this stupid flight is supposed to take. It's been more than four years since I've last been at home... and just like I left without a word all those years ago, my going back will be a surprise to all those that know me._

_I can't help but wonder... what about her? Will I be able to see her, now that we'll be in the same city again? Gods, it's been so long since I've last seen her. It was a cold winter night. She was looking down at me from behind the glass of her window. I was rooted to my spot in the snow covered garden, the freezing wind nothing more than a whisper in the back of my mind... My eyes pleaded with hers to give me one reason, just one reason to go on. She couldn't deny me this time, and gave me a small smile. Despite being a sad one, that smile gave me the warmth I needed not to freeze in her absence, and the courage to continue. Then she raised her hand, and put it on the glass surface. I knew what she was doing... she was saying goodbye for the last time. I kept my hands fisted on my sides, not willing to bid farewell at that time, or ever._

_She took me to the gateways of heaven, only to let me fall into the hell that was her absence. She had told me to forget about her and move on with my life... that we could not be together anymore... and that she would be mine for as long as she lived, no matter what happened. How could I forget her when I was doing it for her?_

_Knowing that I would not be able to stay away if she was so close to me, I left. First I left her sight, leaving deep footsteps in the snow. Then, without stopping to say goodbye to my family, I made my way to the airport, and left the country._

_For several months I traveled around the world. I was not running away, mind you... at least not for myself. Well, to be honest, I might have hoped it would be less painful if I could get far enough away from her... if I saw new places in which she had never been, and met new people who did not know that she existed. Soon, I understood how wrong I was. No matter where I went, something always reminded me of her, if I ever stopped thinking about her. Her laugh was ringing in my ears as I watched the festivities in Beijing. From the corner of my eye, I could see her hair dancing in the wind as I looked down to the earth, from where I stood at the top of Mount Everest. I could feel her head lying on my shoulder as I sat at the slopes of Mount Nemrut, watching the world's most gorgeous sunrise. She was holding my hand when I walked through the vineyards in Bordeaux..._

_In the end, I was on the other side of the world where continents and oceans divided us, and she was closer to me than ever. I could see us together on the dance floor while I listened to the orchestra. How ironic... tango, the music of the people who have never known us, and of a land we have never been in together was telling me our story better than I ever could. Sometimes angry and destructive, sometimes tender and loving, but always passionate... It was then I realized that no matter how far I went, I took her with me._

_I knew I could not go on like this. I had to find something that would distract me continually. So I contacted my father, who readily accepted to give me a position in the American branch of one of our companies. He always wanted me to take my place in the family business, which I secretly dreamed about, but did not get involved in before because of my mother's fears. You see, our 'family business' can get quite complex sometimes, which I won't get into detail here for security purposes. Father was so happy to hear that I finally wanted to be in, as well as to hear from me after so many months, he agreed to keep my whereabouts a secret. After everything I went through before I left, I did not want to face anyone yet, including my mother. Father always have been quick to understand my needs. I don't think anyone knows that I contacted him at all._

_Now I congratulate myself for doing so. The busy work life proved to be exactly what I was looking for. For more than three and a half years, I barely had time to think during the day, and at night, I found myself falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. It was days like today that were hard... when I really had time to think. It's pathetic how I grown to hate holidays, for each and every time I had to fight with myself not to fly back home and race to my spot under her window. It is a good thing that I lived on the other side of the world. It gave me the time to stop myself before it was too late. Keh! Actually, there have been too many close calls, for too many times I had almost boarded the plane..._

_And now, I'm going back... I wonder how I will fare now that she will be within my reach. Even more than that, I wonder if things had cooled down between our families enough to let them leave us alone. You know what? I really don't give a shit anymore. Whatever will happen, will happen. This time, even she can't stop me. I'll take her with me to the ends of the world if it comes to it. I'll beg her if need be. And if it does not work, I'll just throw her over my back, and fly back to the US. Well, that will probably be the case... Keh! Stubborn wench..._

_I really need to finish reading those reports before I find myself in that chaotic place called an airport. If only her eyes would leave my mind for a few hours... Being in this stupid plane on my way back to Tokyo does not help either. It reminds me of the last time I traveled back to my hometown... the day before everything started... It was five years ago, and just like today, I was going back after a long time spent away from home, to attend the celebration for my parent's wedding anniversary..._

End of Chapter


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